Jokes

[gymaddict69]

My wife treats me like a god. She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

"When god closes a door, he opens a window". Sounds to me like he is preparing for a s**t.

[gooner666]

last nights performance belongs here hahahaha

[care3]

A man was thinking about what to get his wife for her birthday so he asked her what she would like and she said she wanted a car. So he went out and bought her one, on the day of his wife's birthday he showed her the car and she was thrilled and couldn't wait to take it out for a drive. When she got back home after driving her new car her husband asked if she liked the car. She said "I'm not satisfied with it I want something that goes from 0-130 in 3 seconds". So he went out and bought her some bathroom scales.

[gymaddict69]

Recent study shows that by masturbating twice weekly your life expectancy increases by 20%. Ive done the maths and im pleased to confirm, i am immortal.

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The first rule of innuendo club is you can only enter via the back door.

[gymaddict69]

During dinner my son had hardly touched his plate and the wife said "Think of the poor children in Africa , Kyle". He said back to her " Do they have to eat thi s**t too?". High fiving didn't impress her too much either.

[gymaddict69]

Those whos say "see the beauty in all situations"..have obviously never sat on their testicle.

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My girlfriend found out i had left a floater in the toilet. That didnt go down well.

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We call our grandad "Spiderman". He hasn't got any super powers. He just finds it difficult getting out of the bath.

[gymaddict69]

Whenever my wife goes to the supermarket i always tell her to park in one of the disabled spaces.After spending 20 minutes watching her try to reverse into one, nobody is going to question her.

[gymaddict69]

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store? "Someday my prints will come."

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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

[gymaddict69]

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

[gymaddict69]

The minute i walked in and saw my wife after her makeover, all the old passions were relit. Her bright red lipstick attracted my c**k straight into her mouth. Worked out too be a very expensive blow job though. The undertaker had to call back the beautician.