Jokes

[gymaddict69]

Me and my wife are going on holiday today and im shitting myself about the ten hour flight. If god had meant us to fly, he'd have made my wife a lot lighter.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so i deleted all the music on his ipod except one song.

[gymaddict69]

Im still having sex despite being behind bars. I have to be careful im not caught by the zookeeper.

The best way to get your true weight is to get on the scales naked. Which is why im no longer allowed in my local boots.

[gymaddict69]

As a postman, i read the most heart renching letter from a little girl to santa. How her mummy and daddy had no money and how she only wanted a chocolate bar for christmas. Anyway, there was no money in that one so i sealed it and re posted it.

[gymaddict69]

My girlfriend said that i should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck'. What the make love is she talking about.

Im up to day 20 of the dementia advent calendar and not one fucking chocolate.

[gymaddict69]

At first i tentatively slipped one finger in. It felt amazingly soft. Feeling braver i slid in a second - it felt even better than before. Soon there was no stopping me, i added a third, then a forth, then i thrust my whole fucking hand right in there! I love my new set of gloves.

[Potato]

gooner666.

[gooner666]

gooner666.

an even bigger one o yeaaaaaaaaa

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and your so called brick wall was in goal ,haha

[gymaddict69]

My wife said that she wanted a selfie stick for christmas. Or "dildo" as they call them in Ann Summers.

I couldnt believe my luck when my wife suggested a sex holiday. "Ooh" i said, " What did you have in mind". "6 months", she replied. "Or maybe a year if im still not in the mood".

[wildbunch]

Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

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Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

Q: When is an Elf not an Elf? A: When she's sucking your cock, then she's a goblin.

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Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

[gymaddict69]

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."