Jokes

[Outlaw87]

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives

What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion.

How did Darth Vader, know what Luke Skywalker was getting him for Christmas?, He felt his presents

[gymaddict69]

This guys walking through a graveyard When he hears a man sobbing and crying out “Why did you die, oh why did you have to die?”
He was so moved he knelt down beside  the grieving man and said “Was this person very close to you?”
“No, actually I never met him!” replied the man.
“Why are you moaning then?” asked the passer by
“He was my wife’s first husband!”

[irishlover]

Love to do the joke about three women in the bingo but I cant remember it lol.

[gymaddict69]

I hate how women treat us men like children. Just the other day my wife said to me you can play with that after you've had your dinner.
I told her it's my house and I'll have a wank at the dinner table whenever I like!

I’m desperate to get back with my ex wife, but she’s having none of it... She thinks I’m only after her for my money.

[irishlover]

Lol I remembered what it is the announcer said two fat ladies.

[gymaddict69]

Paddy tells his wife "My bumhole is really burning,
I've no idea what it is"... ..."Ring sting" his wife says...
...Paddy replies "How the fuck will he know?"

I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles. the lady said, "hardback?"
I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

Having alzheimers is a bit of a bitch.. On the plus side you get to meet new people every day!

[gymaddict69]

This really fit woman with massive tits and a short skirt got into the lift with me.
The lift then stopped. "Great she said how long are we going to be stuck in here for?" "Dunno, " I replied, "maybe hours. " and as she got hotter she started to unbutton her top a little more. Then she noticed my erection and started to smile, after a few minutes I had her naked and was balls deep in her. We finished our fuck and she started to get dressed,
"I've never seen you in here before, what department do you work in? " She asked. "Oh, I don't work here, " I answered, "I'm just here to fix the lift. "

[irishlover]

Lol that never happened when I was going in the lift.

[Friday]

Why was Jesus not born in Ireland?
They couldn't find three wise men.

[gymaddict69]

I walked in to my gay mate sucking on a dildo. Has never been so embarrassed.
I think he's put it behind him now.

I was devastated when I got home from Argos to find my wife had left me.
I'd just bought a seesaw.

Guys - When visiting the barbers always confirm that the barber is not into scat before your haircut commences.
Don't make the same mistake as me when I asked for a number 2 all over.