• Options
• Login
• Desktop Style
• Recent Posts
• Most Popular

Where were you last night?

• Where were you last night?

• Where were you last night?

  FantasticMR > 19/12/2013, 17:14

  I have a relatively healthy fear of technology. I work with it, I enjoy small perks it brings me to the levels which I am able to use it but I have always been on the side of caution for our future or as it were current day reality of existing as man and machine. I know the majority of us don't have bits of tech implanted or reading our brainwaves but we have google glass coming and our hands are already remote controls for our new tv sets. This fear was born in the yesteryear of my college days with the introduction of MMS picture messaging.
  
  Like a lot of fears based in technology it was about my privacy. No I wasn't bothered about the Illuminati looking at the picture my girlfriend sent me of her tits. I mean she really didn't have any but that's not the point. I wasn't worried about our times intellectuals making full use of their camera phones and happy slapping my whilst I waited for a bus. The technology wasn't at the point where the image was good enough to really watch it back after filming and your sharing options were minimal.
  
  Instead I was worried about the privacy of my location. Again, not related to the government but in relation to my girlfriend at the time. Previously I could take the night off from her. Maybe have a night out in town where a little harmless flirting was on the cards and it was only you and your band of merry men who knew as they were all away from their respective others too. You could simply say, 'I'm having an early night. I'm having a Mario Kart marathon with the guys.' Regardless of being checked up upon with a text, you could reply and as long as you weren't too many Bacardi Breezers deep then your nimble fingers would be able to draught something suitable enough to keep the rouse going.
  
  But then the picture messaging started. Was it the way of taking text sex to the next level? Well yes but with a huge pro there must be the balance of a huge con and that was; At any point being asked to send a picture of you in your current location!
  
  Now I know what you are thinking, this is a huge amount of paranoia and maybe it was but never the less a legitimate fear that technology put upon me without my asking. This thought was one that was never uttered in front of my girlfriend in case one day she should put it in to practice and furthermore not uttered to any of my friends in case they were stupid enough to let slip to on of their girlfriends and if one of them knew then they all knew! All of womankind! I simply had to keep this my secret.
  
  When I started thinking of solutions to the problem that didn't exist thanks to my gate keeping of this Pandora's box, it only created more problems. For example, and you have to trust that I never did this:
  
  Solution 1.
  
  Create a picture archive of you in every conceivable location you would pretend to be in. At home in bed with a thermometer in mouth and an ice bag on your head. The library at college holding some Pluto or Niche (double whammy that, keeping the cover going whilst seeming like you have substance). I'm sure you can come up with your own but always make sure that you had a few variances of images in each locale in case she asked for more than one.
  
  Problem created by that solution? Well your Mario Kart party looked more lame than it initially sounded when you send a pic of you sat on your tod playing it. So then you have to start working your mates into your pictures and well, there are just untold inconsistencies that could happen when you put that into practice.
  
  Solution 2.
  
  Start a small business that trawls city centers with light weight sets that mimic generic places that you can say you had to rush off to. Hospital waiting room where you had to go to see great great cousin Ned (8 times removed) who has been taken ill and you had to see him. 'I know I've never mentioned Ned before baby but he lived in Canada for many years and now he's back. He was the one that taught me how to catch a ball.'
  
  Problem created by the solution. I was in no position to fund this kind of operation. The sets would have to be so varied and changed up so frequently that it would be impossible to keep up with and anyone caught using it would soon enough be found guilty as charged owing to word of mouth.
  
  Solution 3.
  
  Learn Photoshop.
  
  Problem created by the solution. I have neither the time, nor the want to learn photoshop. In time this could eventually be my greatest downfall but it's a risk I'm prepared to take.
  
  So then what happened? Well nothing really. As I said, I kept it to myself. My girlfriend at the time wasn't smart, crazy, paranoid or probably didn't really care enough to consider applying this method of tracking me when I wasn't there. It could be argued that she just trusted me but I find it hard to believe that there is that level of trust in the relationship between two 17 year olds and of course in truth she was having nights off of her own. So why bring it up? Well there seems to be a new problem that I must face and the web of lies I'd have to construct to beat this one is quite frankly beyond my IQ. I barely managed to circumnavigate the last issue and even there my theories went untested. So what is this new problem?
  
  
  
  Find my iPhone is bad enough but Google will now give a detailed fox trot step layout of exactly where you've been. Now of course it's all opt in but that same voice inside of me is wondering when I'll be asked to turn it on! Yet one more secret I will have to keep and thanks the rest of the internet for keeping my lady occupied with the collective size of Kardashian rears or female body images so unachievable (fuck, Photoshop would have come in handy) that will keep her more worried about her food intake rather than was I at the pub instead of the office.
  
  You can read the full thing here for yourself and lets face it, if you've wasted enough time reading what I've written then there is no harm in reading something written by someone who at least has the stones to consider themselves an authority on the issue and not take some torturous hike (for all of us) down memory lane.
  
  https://techcrunch.com/2013/12/18/google...cial_share
  
  Thanks for reading. Now go clear your history before she finds out you've been looking at this site.

• RE: Where were you last night?

  StrumSolo > 19/12/2013, 17:25

  Bacardi Breezers? That's not how I remember it. Wasn't it more of an alternation between orange Reefs and Coronas (both just 99p in Wetherspoons at the time)?
  
  Otherwise, solid.

• RE: Where were you last night?

  FantasticMR > 19/12/2013, 17:28

  (19/12/2013, 17:25)ScottyRampant Wrote: Bacardi Breezers? That's not how I remember it. Wasn't it more of an alternation between orange Reefs and Coronas (both just 99p in Wetherspoons at the time)?
  
  Otherwise, solid.

  
  Ha! Indeed it was. Breezers must must have been a couple of years earlier before I acquired a taste for hard liquor such as a bottle of Corona. Sometimes i would go hard and not even have the lime in the top.

• RE: Where were you last night?

  Hilary Briss > 19/12/2013, 17:28

  Yo mamma ?

• RE: Where were you last night?

  Clitterbug > 19/12/2013, 18:43

  
  WOW! kinel foxy thats the longest post ive seen in here in a LONG TIME, its a fookin mini novel! i havnt seen the likes since i awarded Lorensimon with the last Pulitzer this forum witnessed, well done you verminous little bushy tailed red headed bastard!

• RE: Where were you last night?

  StrumSolo > 19/12/2013, 18:59

  I'd like to see Lorensimon's effort.

• RE: Where were you last night?

  Clitterbug > 20/12/2013, 16:17

  (19/12/2013, 18:59)ScottyRampant Wrote: I'd like to see Lorensimon's effort.

  
  https://forum.rampant.tv/showthread.php?...3#pid83933 There you go.
• Next Oldest Next Newest