Jokes

[Jester62]

Hi There Rampant Hentai's.   

Q- Why Did The Atheist Throw Her Watch Out Of A 2nd Storey Window. 

A- She Wanted To See If It Was Inelligently Designed Enough To Evolve Into A Bird.   

Regards Jester

[gymaddict69]

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?
He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

[SirWanksAlot86]

An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge £100 for what we just did."
The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £200."

[SirWanksAlot86]

Two blondes came to a casino. After the great night they notice that they have lost the key from the car. They took a coat hanger from the locker-room and went to the car. The first blonde was trying to unlock the door but with no success. She complained: “I am not able to do that”. But the second blonde hastened: “hurry up, it starts raining and the top is down”.

[gymaddict69]

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.
I asked my 14 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

[SirWanksAlot86]

This morning on the way to work I wasn't really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights.

The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

[SirWanksAlot86]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[SirWanksAlot86]

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"

The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"

[gymaddict69]

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog & her cat. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fireman said with admiration.
"Thanks," the Girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer & noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's testicles. The fireman said "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

[gymaddict69]

We went to that new Moon-themed Restaurant last night.
The food was great but there was no atmosphere.

I was showing my gran the wonders of the internet.
"You can Google whatever you want," I told her.
"How about a picture of a nice cream pie?" she asked.
"Anything but that," I replied.