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Transfer Nonsense

Transfer Nonsense
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 25/06/2013, 13:59

Tuesday 25th June

He’s back, armed with some fresh material after a well-earned day off. Barcelona are wiling to pay £25m for him, his future’s still unresolved, we’re talking, of course, about Wayne Rooney. And it feels great! Come on in Wayne, we’ve missed you.

And here’s big Edinson Cavani. Man City might have been put off by his price tag but Man Utd aren’t fussed at all, they’ll bid £50m. It’s nice to have the old gang back together.

Any hopes of Isco making an appearance are fading though; he looks set for Real Madrid, where Gareth Bale could well join him. The Welshman will ‘tug on’ Daniel Levy’s heart strings, as he tries to secure his dream move. Levy never struck me as that sort of chap to be honest.

Listen, I don’t know what you’ve heard about Henrikh Mkhitaryan signing for Liverpool, or who might have told you, but put it right out of your mind. The man himself has spoken, and he’s ‘rubbished’ all these rubbish reports. So that’s that. The Reds are chasing Eljero Elia of Werder Bremen now anyway, and he’s probably better. His name’s certainly easier to spell.

Stephane Sessegnon and Lee Cattermole could be following Simon Mignolet out of Sunderland as Paolo Di Canio continues to reshape his squad ahead of the new season. I say reshape; it’s more of a two-sworded slash-up where John O’Shea emerges as the only survivor.

I knew those agents hanging round Victor Wanyama were trouble. His £12m move to Southampton has stalled after they demanded a £1m payment from the club. Cardiff are ready to step in with a £10m bid of their own. Maybe the Saints could lower their bid to £10m, pay the agents and pocket the spare milli? You’re welcome, Mr Cortese.

There’s a bit of a dust-up in the Premier League playground, with Newcastle, Everton and Swansea squabbling over who fancies Wilfried Bony the most. He’ll probably just run to whoever pays the most.

And that great love affair of our time, Johan Djourou and Arsenal, could be about to end.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 26/06/2013, 08:51

Wednesday 26th June

We’ll start as always, with your Rooney updates. David Moyes will try and convince him to stay but if he does leave, then Barcelona would be his preferred destination. He might want to check that they actually want him first.

More Edinson Cavani 'revelations' too, Chelsea won’t pay more than £40m for the Uruguayan. Sensible, good for them.

Carlo Ancelotti’s arrival at Real Madrid means Arsenal will finally get the green light in their move for Gonzalo Higuain. It’s bad news for Spurs though as the Italian wants to make Brazilian midfielder Paulinho his first signing. Imagine if they then went and signed Gareth Bale as well! How furious would that make Tottenham? Real are also confident of getting Luis Suarez for less than £40m, which is apparently size of the buy-out clause in his Liverpool contract.

Stoke want Blackburn’s Martin Olsson or Erik Pieters from PSV to fill what’s been described as their ‘problem left-back spot’. Which seems a bit dramatic, Tony Pulis managed to go seven years without one.

With interest building in Marouane Fellaini, Everton have lined up CSKA Moscow’s Japanese midfielder Keisuke Honda as a potential replacement.

Southampton's Gaston Ramirez is wanted by Dortmund and Atletico Madrid and Micah Richards could be off to Inter Milan. Don't they realise they're playing in The Best League In The World? The only way is down chaps, remember that.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 27/06/2013, 11:30

Thursday 27th June

Tottenham made a bid for David Villa. Whatever. Things are developing though, so wait with baited breath as Spurs ‘intensify’ their bid. Intensify! Watch out Barca, they’ll be having talks with your man before the end of the week. But it’s not all good news down at White Hart Lane, Real Madrid have offered cash plus players (one of them being Angel di Maria) for Gareth Bale, you’d imagine there’s still a bit of intensification to go before they pull it off mind.

So Carlos Tevez has waved goodbye to Manchester. City are going to need a replacement and that could well be Robert Lewandowski. They’re wiling to offer Edin Dzeko as part of the deal, which would then leave them needing a replacement for him too. This could take a while.

Wayne Rooney could also be leaving Manchester, if you haven’t heard. Arsenal have put together a package that they hope will seal the deal and also convince Arsene Wenger to extend his stay at The Emirates beyond next season.

Liverpool news now. Luis Suarez is ready to submit a written transfer request in a bid to speed up his move to Real Madrid, though the club aren’t happy at reports that he’s already agreed personal terms with the Spanish side. If they want to sign Henrikh Mkhitaryan, they’ll need to pull their finger out and stump up £25m within the next ten days. And Swansea want Jonjo Shelvey, but it’ll cost them at least £5m.

Newcastle want Darren Bent and James Tomkins. Alan Pardew has given their names to Joe Kinnear, continental-style-management-structurely, and after a few hours explaining who they are and how to pronounce their names, Kinnear will presumanbly get to work. He can talk to any manager in the country after all. Did you know he had Sir Alex Ferguson on speed-dial? True story.

What do Keisuke Honda, Arouna Kone and Antolin Alcaraz have in common? They’re all linked with Everton, that’s what. And Micah Richards can add Bayern Munich to his list of unlikely overseas destinations; the champions of everything are willing to pay £14m.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 28/06/2013, 11:42

Friday 28th June

More names being thrown around as potential replacements for Carlos Tevez at Man City. You can add Mario Gomez, Pablo Osvaldo and Oscar Cardozo to that bit of paper with Alvaro Negredo and Edinson Cavani written on it. Speaking of Cavani, Jose Mourinho will go after Robert Lewandowski if Chelsea fail to land the Uruguayan, as will City presumably. Let’s just say everyone is after everyone and leave it there.

Or not. Man Utd will turn their attention to Gareth Bale if they fail to bring Cristiano Ronaldo back to the club. This of course hinges on whether or not you believe they’ve got a spare £80m to play with. I’m gonna say no, they haven’t. Sticking with Bale, Paulinho only agreed to sign for Spurs after receiving assurances that the Welshman wouldn’t be sold. So there you are, Bale to United, double not happening.

It looks like Arsenal might be priced out of a move for Ashley Williams, with Swansea refusing to lower their pretty reasonable £10m asking price. Are The Gunners skint again?

Newcastle are (hot?) favourites to nab Darren Bent from Aston Villa. Though they’ve also been linked with a £15m move for Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang of Saint-Etienne. If it comes down to a choice between the two they’ll presumably go with the one without a language barrier to contend with, French speaking Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. Boom! I’m here all week.

Arsenal, Tottenham, Chelsea, Liverpool, Everton; embarrassments, the lot of em. They’ve all been linked with a loan move for Barcelona’s 19 year-old attacker Gerald Deulofeu. Is this really what it’s come to? The finest names in English football scrabbling around for a youth team player? Are Barca on such another level that they’ve got Champions League standard players in the under-12s? Probably. The lad’s also been linked with Brighton though; if he ends up there ignore that last bit.

And we’ll finish up with a little bit more City. Aleksandar Kolarov is missing Carlos Tevez already and hopes to join him at Juve. Scott Sinclair could be off too, on loan, to West Brom.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 29/06/2013, 16:31

Saturday 29th June

Paulinho's on his way and Spurs are also looking to muscle in on Liverpool target Henrikh Mkhitaryan. They're still keen on David Villa too, less keen on paying £12m for a 31 year-old with only 12 months left on his contract though, understandable. To make space for all these new faces, Tom Huddlestone is off to Sunderland for £5m. Emmanuel Adebayor, Benoit Assou-Ekotto and Scott Parker have also been told they can leave.

Exciting times for Arsenal's goalkeeping coach. Julio Cesar will join the club from QPR soonish and Vito Mannone's off to Sunderland as well! The defensive and midfield (is that even a thing?) coaches will have to keep on wishing though, The Gunners have been put off by the asking prices for Ashley Williams and Marouane Fellaini.

Today, Wayne Rooney is leaving. If you'd rather hear about him staying, come back tomorrow I suppose. Nemanja Vidic could be off to AC Milan if he doesn't figure in David Moyes' plans, though it seems unlikely that he wouldn't. And if Leighton Baines signs, Patrice Evra will skip off to Monaco, which sounds nice.

Thibaut Courtois has been on loan at Atletico Madrid for so long that Chelsea have forgotten about him. The Blues have had a £5m bid for Norwich stopper John Ruddy rejected. Leave it there yeah?
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 30/06/2013, 11:25

Sunday 30th June

Wayne Rooney's still leaving then. Arsenal have tabled a £20m offer and Chelsea are ready to do the same. Bidding war! David Moyes wants him to stay though, and has had a secret meeting with the player. But if it's so secret, how come The Sun are reporting it? Hmmm?

Arsene Wenger wants Fernando Torres as well, and will partner the Spaniard with Gonzalo Higuain. Someone wants to tell Rooney, he'd just as well sit on the bench at Old Trafford than the one at The Emirates.

The Gunners have also been linked with Yohann Kebab, sorry, Cabaye, as have Man Utd, PSG and Monaco. It'll cost any one of them £25m to do a deal. Newcastle still haven't made a bid for Darren Bent. Neither have Fulham, Crystal Palace or Hull. Come on chaps, chop chop.

Fred and Alvaro Negredo. File under potential Tevez replacements at Man City. Remove Edinson Cavani's records while you're at it. Chelsea are still keen though, to the tune of £45m.

And if West Brom are only after signing players who've turned out for both Chelsea and West Ham, they're going the right way about it. Yossi Benayoun could be joining on a free and they want Demba Ba on loan.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 01/07/2013, 11:36

Monday July 1st

, Neymar fancies himself as an agent as well. He wants Wayne Rooney to join him at Barcelona, which is all well and good until he starts asking for fees and percentages, don't have it Wayne. Bit of philosophical Neymar trivia while we're here, apparently he owns a third of himself. Spooky.

Arsenal are worried that the bigger boys with their bigger wallets might come along and ruin their chances of going steady with Rooney and Gonzalo Higuain. The Gunners' mum has assured them that they've got a lovely personality and any player would be lucky to go out with them, bless her.

Internacianal have said that Southampton aren't in the running for Leandro Damiao, not that anyone was asking. No bids at all apparently, not even from Spurs. Andre Villas Boas has been on the blower to David Villa though, in an attempt to convince him to move to White Hart Lane. Call me old fashioned but that was called tapping up in my day.

If there's one thing Man Utd need it's another centre half. Step forward Mr Ezequiel Garay of Benfica.

Obvious Hull signing #23: Richard Dunne on a free. So that's the OGs sorted, Lee Cattermole's on the reds and yellows. It's coming together nicely on Humberside.

And Wigan's preparation for life in the Championship is well underway, they'll move for Jay Spearing and Scott Carson, two of the most 'Championship' players imaginable.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 02/07/2013, 09:49

Tuesday 2nd July

He might play like he's being controlled by a kid on a Playstation, but that kid is the darling of the online FIFA community. It's of course, and Bayern Munich quite like the look of him.

Strikers. Strikers linked with Chelsea, more specifically. Jose Mourinho fancies a piece of AC Milan's £30m rated Stephan El Shaarawy and could offer Fernando Torres in exchange (with a few quid thrown in on top presumably). Or he'll bid £20m for Wayne Rooney. And apparently Napoli have turned down £42m PLUS Torres for Edinson Cavani. Hilarious. So three potential new frontmen there, it could all be nonsense mind, especially if reports that Roman Abramovich wants to see more youth players coming through in an effort to comply with FFP regulations are to be believed. Torres'll go though, that's probably true.

Leighton Baines. United bid £12m, Everton wanted £20m. Davey Moyes will meet them halfway with a cheeky £16m offer. Time to get the Duke in. They still want Thiago Alcantara too, and will treble his Barca wage if he signs.

Check out Swansea flexin' over there. The model of financial stability are about to sink £20m on Wilfried Bony and Thomas Ince, which is music to Liverpool's ears as they'll get 50% of any fee paid for Paul's nipper. Crystal Palace fancy a loan deal for Jonjo Shelvey too.

Galatasaray want to take Aleksander Kolarov on loan and Joleon Lescott will go to whoever will have him, he's after first team football see.

Guess who's back, back again? Not Slim Shady, it's Nicolas Anelka. West Brom apparently.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 03/07/2013, 09:36

Wednesday 3rd July

We’ll start with today’s Chelsea striker update. PSG have made a new bid for Edinson Cavani, it must have been a big one because it’s put the Blues right off. Stephan El Shaarawy doesn’t look like a goer either, Milan have said he’s sticking with them. So that just leaves Robert Lewandowski and Wayne Rooney (them again), hurry up and do it Jose! Real Madrid have joined the race for Nemanja Matic by the way, it’d have been so much easier and cheaper if Chelsea had just kept hold of him in the first place. And finally, Sporting Lisbon winger Bruma could be on his way to Stamford Bridge if the Portuguese club accept the £12m bid for the 18 year-old.

Man Utd’s midfield now. Thiago is very close to joining, Kevin Strrotman isn’t. The Dutchman will stay at PSV for another season.

Hold on, hold on. Crystal Palace are going to bid £8.5m for Dwight Gayle on the strength of half a decent season at Peterborough? Pass the smelling salts, I’m feeling faint. Palace are also after Sam Byram, £3m apparently, which seems more sensible.

Sunderland are after Jozy Altidore, Daniel Bessa, Ibrahim Mbaye, Alfred Duncan… Basically any young player based in Europe who you probably haven’t heard of, Sunderland want all of them.

Gareth Barry to Arsenal might happen, but not at £100,000 a week, Cardiff are back in for Victor Wanyama and Dortmund have muscled in on the Henrik Mkhitaryan action. Liverpool are pissed.
RE: Transfer Nonsense

StrumSolo > 04/07/2013, 10:14

Thursday 4th July

We could well be approaching the end of the first act of this summer’s transfer nonsense. Say goodbye to Cristiano Ronaldo. He misses Man Utd, sure, who wouldn’t? But he’s committed his immediate future to Real Madrid. It’s adios to Gareth Bale as well; Real have ruled out making a bid for him this summer. And with talks between David Moyes and Wayne Rooney ongoing, that one could soon be resolved too. The 31st of August is a long way off though, we’re gonna need some new regulars…

Alvaro Negredo perhaps? Man City and Tottenham both want him, Sevilla are after as much as £28m in return. He’s no Rooney, but this one could drag on. Stevan Jovetic could be one to watch as well. City want him, so do Arsenal, and Fiorentina may be willing to sell! At the right price of course.

Chelsea chat now. For a club that’s meant to be getting sensible in the transfer market, they’re getting linked with an awful lot of players. The Marco Van Ginkel deal is as good as done and he could be joined at the Bridge by Daniele De Rossi as Jose Mourinho looks to strengthen the midfield. Consider it strengthened. John Ruddy’s name is still being thrown around too; the Blues will make an improved offer for the Norwich goalkeeper after their £5m one was rejected. Three words; Thibaut Bloody Courtois!

Harry Redknapp wants to get reacquainted with lovely Scotty Parker and could offer £2m to take him to QPR. Good to see they’ve learnt their lesson from signing all those past-their-best players on inflated wages eh?

And Steve Bruce is after Wilson Palacios for his Hull revolution. They’re gonna be SO good to watch next season!
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