The medical's today, and once that's done Juan Mata will be a Man Utd player. Wouldn't it be awful if it was delayed til next week or something? It just has to be today. The fax machines at Stamford Bridge and Old Trafford are in for a busy time regardless. Mohamed Salah has agreed personal terms on his move to Chelsea, and Michael Essien's off to Milan. Cardiff are set to take Wilfried Zaha (loan) and Fabio (permanent) off United's hands, and there's talk of Nani and Javier Hernandez moving on too.

Have you ever heard of Romulo? He's Brazilian, and plays for Spartak Moscow? No? Don't worry, Chelsea haven't either. They'll still make a bid once they hear Liverpool are keen though.

Antonio Nocerino, Marco Borriello and Michael Essien could all be heading to West Ham. Except they won't.

Another swap deal has fallen through. Can't catch a break, can they? This time Papiss Cisse didn't fancy going to Borussia Moenchengladbach, so Luuk de Jong won't be signing for Newcastle either.

Lacina Traore might yet be allowed to join Everton on loan, Crystal Palace and Cardiff have both had bids accepted for Wigan defender Ivan Ramis and Peter Crouch could be about to link up with Harry Redknapp again at QPR. Didn't see that one coming...

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Ah, it's been delayed.

Juan Mata won't be leaving Chelsea until Mohamed Salah's move is completed. He still needs to have a medical, and get a work permit, so it could be a couple of days yet.

Sob.