So then, Juan Mata to Man Utd. A £40m fee has been provisionally agreed but yer man needs to submit a formal transfer request (no loyalty bonus for you, Juan!) before the deal can proceed. But what's this? Atletico Madrid, that's what. They quite like the look of him too. So much so that they're willing to give David Moyes first dibs on Diego Costa and Filipe Luis if he'll do the decent thing and back the fuck up. Fiver says this one drags.

Wayne Rooney's off to Real Madrid in the summer apparently. And Nani might find himself disappointing the crowds at either Juventus or Sporting Lisbon sooner than that.

Lee Cattermole's well Stoke, isn't he? They're preparing a £5m bid for Mr Red and are also considering recalling Cameron Jerome from his loan spell at Crystal Palace.

£25m for Rodrigo? How about a loan deal instead? That's how Arsene Wenger's playing it, but with Zenit St Petersburg and Valencia also declaring their intentions for the Benfica striker he might want to show a touch more commitment.

De Jongs eh? You waiting around for ages and then two come at once. Nigel to Liverpool and Luuk to Newcastle.

And Norwich have pissed on Wes Hoolahan's Aston Villa flavoured chips by rejecting a transfer request.

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