I'll start with this little ditty, and I am sure the good gentlemen of the rampant regiment will know many a witty rouse to slip the ball and chain a cheeky length up the council.

That is so my mate (not the resorting to the brick thing!!!), after so many promises and failures he says he's given up now, not cos he wants to mind, a sort of frustrated resignation...



Personally I find it best to woo the said female (unless she's a complete slapper then hey ho..) with a nice oily massage, especially on the buttocks, and it's surprising how much lubricant finds it's way to the forbidden zone. Of course you'd be less of a gentlemen if you didn't make sure the oil was rubbed in properly, and adding a finger or two to ensure no corner is left unoiled. Once the protestations have died down, you may then go for phase two.. it's all about asking for forgiveness later than permission up front...

Pay her

Like Russy's m8 ive not had much success in this endeavour, probably the best way to introduce the idea is not to try and introduce it, ive barked up that tree for many a year and got nowhere! Alcohol is the answer, when I finally entered the forbidden zone she was just about compos mentis, ill be honest the act wasn't all id expected, mind you I always imagined myself behind her doggy style one hand on her back the other behind my head, yeeeehaa! but a mans gotta take what he can when the opportunity arises, so missionary it was, I couldn't get in as deep as I would have liked or for as long either, not without waking her! but that was just as well really, the only reason the chance had arisen was we had been to a wedding reception we'd ATE as much as drank and i didn't want to be dragging her unconscious body out into the garden to hose her down!. To sum up if your really wanting to poke her in the eye and nothing else is gonna satisfy, get her on a diet, then get her pissed!

yours sincerely

Casanovabug

(10/09/2013, 15:52)FantasticMR Wrote: Pay him.

I thought they paid you fMR my sequined and bejeweled bar fly ?

:D

Ok you miserable bunch. Not a clue between you.

Let me explain.

These things are always about getting the details right. Proper planning always wins the day. One must consider ones strategy, plan for every eventuality, and execute with the level of precision rarely seen outside of an Alpine Horologists Laboratory.

Rule number 1.

Firstly one must ensure that the subject of ones designs is of the correct type and fit for purpose.

Are you sure of the genus ?

Check for a pulse. Is it still warm ?

Is it the correct sex ?

and finally, do you care ?

An experienced chutney ferret can ascertain all of the above with a simple "gentleman's inquiry". However if one is unsure of about the validity of ones mission, one can always follow Wattersluts lead and carry on regardless. Chalk it up to experience, wipe your "old feller" on the curtains and hail your man to arrange transportation back to ones estate.

Remember my motto "regret what you have done, not what you have not done".

Now that's probably enough for one day, we don't want you all getting giddy and trying your "gentleman's inquiry" on your manservant by mistake.

More tomorrow, toodle pip !

here are a few suggestions ...... I am sure one must work all self help guides do .... Don't they ????

Over-rated if you ask me.

Stick to the entrance.