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Poo donors wanted as demand for faecal matter transplants skyrocket

• Poo donors wanted as demand for faecal matter transplants skyrocket

• Poo donors wanted as demand for faecal matter transplants skyrocket

  ReedeFox > 20/06/2019, 13:06

  I thought it was only blood, organs and sperm that could be donated to other humans but apparently you can now also donate your turds. Who’d have thought?!
  
   
  
  There’s currently a huge demand for poo at the moment as faecal matter transplants (FMT) are becoming popular to treat gut conditions such as clostridium difficile infection – a bacterial condition. Here’s what Professor of microbiology Andrew Holmes, had to say about the bizarre new treatment:  
   
  

  Quote:Effective cure can be seen within one to two days of a single FMT treatment, and it seldom requires more than three treatments. Fear of missing out is a bigger problem than fear of faeces. And if you bounce back to health after treatment, no one is likely to hold it against you for whatever shit you ate.

   
  Right, so I’m slightly confused about how the transplant takes place. Do they collect some plop and just shove it up someone else’s butthole?! All this scientific jargon is baffling me. 
  
   
  
  The treatment is only available in Australia at the moment London King's College are currently running a study on it so it won't be long before it's available in the UK. In case you’re wondering how they collect the poo, a donor will pop into their local ‘poo bank’ and make a deposit. Potential donors are then screened and if their sample is decent they’ll get invited back to make more donations. It hasn’t quite got the same ring to it as ‘super sperm donor’ though has it. At least at dinner you can boast about your grade-A jizz. I can’t imagine anyone being anywhere near as impressed with your healthy turds. 
  
  
  
  There’s currently a shortage of donors so if you’re travelling to Australia or fancy offering your turds to London King's College, simply pop into a poo bank and offload!

• RE: Poo donors wanted as demand for faecal matter transplants skyrocket

  FantasticMR > 20/06/2019, 13:15

  I'm putting a pretty hefty price tag on mine. £50 per donation or their nearest offer, I was only going to get rid of it anyway so jokes on them.

• RE: Poo donors wanted as demand for faecal matter transplants skyrocket

  mark.s.. > 20/06/2019, 13:19

  haha. good old oz, we lead the world in medical treatments. I knew my life had a purpose, I speak so much shit- now I can put it to good use. finally got my shit together
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