Jokes

[Needsasuck]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

[Needsasuck]

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.

[Needsasuck]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

[gymaddict69]

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to go to bed with them.
They said it would be like winning the lottery.
and to my horror, they were right, we had six matching balls!!

My wife says my cock reminds her of a thin cut pizza from Tescos.
A useless 4" Crusty that stinks of cheese.

[gymaddict69]

Q: What did the 2 condoms walking down the street say? A: Lets go into that gay bar and get shitfaced".
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show!
Q: What's the difference between a refridgerator and a gay man? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out!

[Needsasuck]

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

[Needsasuck]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

[Needsasuck]

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?
A: a cucumber

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

[Needsasuck]

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn't close his casket.

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!

[Needsasuck]

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you're a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is