A shameless steal from another forum, but it made me chuckle...



A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan .
He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.



Boom Boom !!!

a blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

the bar immediately goes silent. in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says "before you tell that joke, i think its fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. the bartender is a blonde girl.
2. the bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. i'm a 6 foot tall, 15 stone blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5. the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
now think about it seriously, mister. do you still wanna tell that joke?"

the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares "nah, not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!


Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!


Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=:)


Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!


Sex is like math.
Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!


Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I miss it, da meaner I get

An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant and asked "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."


Doctors have told Wayne Rooney that he has to wear special head gear from now on.
He is said to be delighted, as he never gets to wear his Mighty Morphin Power Rangers helmet any more...


Apparently, you can have sex on the new GTA 5.
Which, I'm guessing, will be a first for most of the people that queued up to buy it....


Australia has just had a general election. The main concern is about the number of illegal immigrants there are.
Government sources suggest around 60,000.
Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the cunts....


I refuse to watch Geordie Shore or Big Brother for economic reasons.
I've just spent 800 quid on a new telly, and I don't want to put my boot through the bastard....

We choose to masturbate in this decade.... we choose to masturbate, not because it is easy, but because it is hard...