Craft Beer Wankers

[FantasticMR]

I'm one of them. Not only because they taste better, generally have a higher alcohol content but also because if I'm drinking craft on the regular than I'm a connoisseur whereas when it was nightly Heineken I was just a drunk. Here are my current top 5 but I must warn Brewdog that the too big for your boots vibe is wearing thin a bit. I shouldn't have to pay £5 on a £45 case of beer.

Numero Uno: Beavertown Neck Oil. It made it's way in to my heart very early in my exploratory craft days. I happened upon it in a newly opened Craft and Smokehouse down the road from me and not only did it get me thinking about my beer it remained as delightful to drink each time I revisit it. Sadly not common in the place I am these days but it'll be a welcome surprise when I next bump into it.



Number 2: Brewdog Punk. It's like the staple diet of the craft beer wanker, always on point, nice and fruity without being too sweet and when you arrive somewhere and they have a tap on then you know you're happy to stick around for a bit.



Number 3: Elvis Juice. This is like Punk's bigger brother packing way more of a grapefruit punch and a bit stronger too. I have heard mumblings from old @"ScottyRampant" that the estate of Elvis might not be too happy about the name so it could be up for a change. I would not give a shit either way.



Number 4: Stone IPA. A hoppy little bastard this one. Much darker tones then then aforementioned three, it packs a smokey flavour not to be confused with the likes of a Smog Rocket but definitely smokey enough for the taste to just sit with you briefly. Always a delight to get your hands on once you've had a couple of other warm up your taste buds first.



Number 5: Vocation - Life and Death.  If I'm at a supermarket and I'm picking up a selection of beers this one will always find it's way in there. Theres actually nothing I'd really note about it too much other than it's strong amber colour but the thing with this beer is that it pleasantly slips into most parts of the evening, be it your 1st or a few in. It has a very clean taste, small on the fruits and packs a little kick. I wouldn't ever eave it to last though, it's not strong enough as a finisher.



So there's my run down. Any other craft enthusiasts or "craft wankers" kicking about on this forum?

[StrumSolo]

Still not tried Stone so can't comment on that.  Neck Oil was definitely an early favourite for me too but it seems a bit basic nowadays.  Also, Life & Death (6.5%) not strong enough to finish up with?  Lunatic.  Nice choices though.  Here's my top 5.  In order?  Yeah, in order.  Why not.

5. Summer Wine Brewery - Sucker Punch



Bit of an obscure one, this, from a brewery near me.  The label's a pretty accurate description of what's going on.  Not the most sophisticated, but definitely not lager, and that was a revelation back in the early days of my craft beer wanker journey.

4. Magic Rock - Rapture



Underrated, your red ales.  A welcome mid-sesh diversion.  Would also recommend 5am Saint (Brewdog) or Redwood (another of the Summer Wine lads) but Rapture just about shades it.

3. Beavertown - Gamma Ray



Just bloody good innit?  

2. Brewdog - Elvis Juice



The most delicious, moreish, low-key-creep-up-on-you-and-get-you-smashed beer of them all.  They've also just started selling it at my local co-op which is dangerous, quite frankly...

1. Tiny Rebel - Clwb Tropicana



...but this is the winner.  Pushing things right to the limit of acceptable fruitiness, but with just enough hops to ensure you're never entering Rekorderlig territory.  Skills!

Briss is gonna be furious with this thread, isn't he?

[FantasticMR]

He's going to hate every minute of it, not a place for port or luxury gins this thread. 

Excellent run down and can see that you're getting a decent variety of craft beers where you are. I'm very much limited to the current top dogs as it were round my neck of the woods, it's also pretty cider heavy around here too so anything local is going to be cider.  Will have to give one of those Tropicanas a go if I ever see one. 

As for the Life and Death it sure is strong enough in terms of alcohol but it's flavour remains reasonable mild, not for the end of sesh when your taste buds have been blasted by a couple of Elvis' or a Mr. President.

[Hilary Briss]

Alas today Briss suffers the horror of the after show party.

A grand weekend on the shore of Lake Maggiore, copious Barolo, and rather too many Epicure No2's with the vintage Tawny.

Life expectancy suitably reduced.

But fuck it, at least Im not a craft beer homo. I would rather attend an evening in with the Duchess and his trusty bottle of Rohypnol than stand outside the Admiral Duncan sharing a bottle of "Im a hoppy Gaylord". 

But dont let me stop you bearded brogue wearing cunts from being twendy.

[JamezZ]

Might sound stupid but I'm not actually sure what makes a beer 'craft'. Is it just being brewed by small independent breweries? Or do the ingredients play a part in the classification?

[Hilary Briss]

Might sound stupid but I'm not actually sure what makes a beer 'craft'. Is it just being brewed by small independent breweries? Or do the ingredients play a part in the classification?

If the slack-jawed nancy boy drinking it wears red socks and brown brogues with slightly too short jeans your in the right gaff.

Then if said mushuggener is also sporting a polka dot dicky bow and puts Dr Cleggs Gentlemans Lotion on his chin whiskers, you can be certain that not only is the ring badger nursing half a “wobbly bobs nemesis”, but you are in fact duty bound to wait for the cunt to leave the battle and kick him to death on his way home.

[johncack]

I like beer. I like real ale. I like a good IPA. Or a traditional dark Yorkshire style bitter. The odd glass of Porter. What I cannot bide is some ponce telling me the beer I like is boring because the latest thing is made with 57 varieties of hops that were drenched in wombat sweat for 2 weeks before being given a daft name like Ecklewhite's Old Crotch and sold at £7 a pint to bellends in a Hipster bar in Shoreditch. I fear oversupply and a massive drop off in quality as brewers experiment and don't realise that classic beers like Wainright's, Bass, Marstons etc are unspoilt.

[JamezZ]

Ok, so from the replies I have seen so far 'craft beer' seems to be a term that can annoy beer purists. Looking at johncacks reply it also seems that tend to have some ingredients not considered 'standard' for your generic beer.

[FantasticMR]

@ Hilary Briss If you keep coming up with winners like “wobbly bobs nemesis” and "Im a hoppy Gaylord" then we've pretty much wonthe craft beer battle, lets get the brewery up and running.

[StrumSolo]

I like beer. I like real ale. I like a good IPA. Or a traditional dark Yorkshire style bitter. The odd glass of Porter. What I cannot bide is some ponce telling me the beer I like is boring because the latest thing is made with 57 varieties of hops that were drenched in wombat sweat for 2 weeks before being given a daft name like Ecklewhite's Old Crotch and sold at £7 a pint to bellends in a Hipster bar in Shoreditch. I fear oversupply and a massive drop off in quality as brewers experiment and don't realise that classic beers like Wainright's, Bass, Marstons etc are unspoilt.

As with everything john there's good and bad.

The Old Crotch example definitely rings true but if they want to plough on regardless, 'because craft', then the twats probably deserve to get fleeced.

Good shout on the Wainwright's by the way.  Lil Bewdy's another decent Thwaites one worth trying should you happen to see it on cask.