Jokes |
08/12/2017, 23:22
Post: #1181
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RE: Jokes | |||
16/12/2017, 10:42
Post: #1182
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RE: Jokes
I went train spotting once.
It was really easy, they are absolutely massive and make loads of noise. I was driving to work this morning when I passed a pub sign which read “all day breakfast”. I thought. I don’t have time for that A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and unable to speak English or any other language for that matter, looks at the barman, shits on the floor and walks out. |
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17/12/2017, 18:02
Post: #1183
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RE: Jokes
My mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, but she took it back a week later.
"This parrot hasn't said anything!" she complained. "I haven't had a fucking chance yet!" replied the parrot My wife and I were going out on a rare date and as we were leaving, the babysitter graciously told us to take as long as we'd like. That was 5 years ago, I hope she's enjoying being a single parent |
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22/12/2017, 23:51
Post: #1184
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RE: Jokes
I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.
It's the blokes with two hands who knock the shit out of me After spending 20 minutes trying to take my girlfriend's bra off, I've decided to give up... I wish I’d never put it on now... As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog. |
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23/12/2017, 15:39
Post: #1185
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RE: Jokes
Next door's dog shit in our garden again this morning. My wife said "Get a spade and throw it over their fence"
I don't see what that will prove though? Because we've still got dog shit in our garden and now the neighbours have got our spade My wife walked into the bathroom and found me with my head in the toilet. She said, "Stop pretending to be sick, you're still coming with me to my Mothers." I said, "I'm not, I'm just getting used to the smell of piss." |
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30/12/2017, 11:59
Post: #1186
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31/12/2017, 13:30
Post: #1187
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RE: Jokes
As the prostitute was wiping my cum off her face she said, "You could have just came inside."
"I'm not made of money." I replied, as I pulled my dick out of the brothel's letterbox. So Ringo Starr has been knighted basically for staying alive. Whereas Barry Gibb was knighted for Staying Alive. |
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05/01/2018, 23:50
Post: #1188
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RE: Jokes | |||
06/01/2018, 15:20
Post: #1189
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RE: Jokes
A physicist goes to an ice cream parlour every week and orders an ice cream for himself and offers an ice cream for the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner asks him what he is doing. The man said “well I’m a physicist and Quantum Mechanics teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me” The owner says” well there are a lot of single beautiful woman come in here every day, so why don’t you buy an ice cream for one of them and they might fall in love with you”. And the physicist says “yeah, but what are the odds of that happening”!)
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07/01/2018, 12:57
Post: #1190
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RE: Jokes
I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel.
The manager told me to get off. Apparently wifi laptops can damage your sperm. In my experience not as much as sperm can damage your wifi laptop. I've just been on trip advisor. There's fuck all information about a twisted ankle and a skinned knee. |
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The following 1 user says Thank You to gymaddict69 for this post: Jester62 |
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