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Jokes

12/01/2018, 23:07
Post: #1191
RE: Jokes
My wife screamed, "You've got no feelings," and stormed out the house.
She's been gone a while now and I've been thinking about what she said.
She's wrong, I feel hungry.


My boss said I should dress for the job I want, not for the job I have....
Long story short I'm sat in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman
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13/01/2018, 12:22
Post: #1192
RE: Jokes
My Dads answer to everything was alcohol. He wasn't a big drinker, He was just shit at Crosswords.

I was working out in the gym earlier when I noticed a hole in my trainer that was big enough to push my finger into.
Anyway, he made a complaint and now my gym membership has been cancelled.
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14/01/2018, 01:52
Post: #1193
RE: Jokes
I went to the hairdressers and asked for a number 2 all over. He gave me a shit haircut.

Why does a bride have a big smile on her face walking down the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blowjob


My wife left me due to my obsession with the Fonz.
Happy Days!
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19/01/2018, 23:21
Post: #1194
RE: Jokes
Me and my mate took some speed and stayed up all night playing 'Name That Tune'.
It was a bit shit really because there's only 4 flavours


My wife had a vindaloo last night and today her arse is a bit sore.
She'll do anything for a curry.


My jokes were all pretty well received at the old people's home this morning...
The residents were pissing themselves.
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21/01/2018, 00:26
Post: #1195
RE: Jokes
I just read a book on marriage that says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date.
So after dinner tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents' house.

I just played Bingo for the first time and I won!
That dog's fucking shit at chess.


Why are there only 239 beans in an Irish stew?
One more would be too farty.
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26/01/2018, 19:40
Post: #1196
RE: Jokes
We buried my wife six days ago and now the hopelessness of the situation is finally sinking in...
I've run out of clean shirts.


Apparently 98% of married men masturbate on a regular basis.
The other 2% still have sex with their wives.


My missus used her tits to get out of a speeding ticket today.
When the copper tripped over them, she did a runner.
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27/01/2018, 22:34
Post: #1197
RE: Jokes
A man was hit by a truck carrying Omega 3 cod liver capsules.
A spokesman at the hospital said he had "super fish oil injuries".


I was in London earlier this week and hailed one of them black cabs.
I said to the driver "Waterloo please"
He asked "What, the station"?
"Well, I'm a bit fucking late for the battle" I replied
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30/01/2018, 14:28
Post: #1198
RE: Jokes
[Image: B6u9ehpCAAANkRn.jpg]

[Image: 22c_1.gif]
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02/02/2018, 23:25
Post: #1199
RE: Jokes
"For Pete's sake, "that's it I've had enough, I'm leaving you, I'm fucking sick to death of your obsessive jealousy and you always accusing me of cheating on you" my wife yelled at me as she slammed the door.

"Just hang on a minute" I yelled back "Who the fucking hell is Pete"
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03/02/2018, 23:18
Post: #1200
RE: Jokes
Irish man walks into a cafe and looks at the menu and it reads:
Chhese Roll 10p
Ham Roll 20p
A Wank £10
He then sees a beautiful young woman who works there, with a lovely body and huge tits.
He says "Do you give the wanks?"
She says "I do"
He says "well wash your hands, i want 2 cheese rolls!"
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