WOMAN GETS STUCK IN TINDER DATE'S WINDOW AFTER TRYING TO THROW OUT MASSIVE TURD

[ReedeFox]

Tinder is a funny old place. Even if you feel like you're having a great date there is still a lot that can go wrong. This poor dude named Liam found that out when he recently took his date back to his house for a bit of 'Netflix and chill'. He was clearlt hoping to get a blowy but it ended up with his date taking a massive dump in his toilet and getting stuck through a window whilst trying to throw it out after she was unable to flush it. Here is Liam's rather detailed description of THAT NIGHT!

I recently took a girl I met on Tinder to Nandos.
We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much.
After our meal, we came back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary.
About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
'I went for a poo in your toilet’, she told me ‘and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked’, she continued ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window’.

I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.

As you can see in the picture, the inside window opens at the top, into the gap that is separated from the garden by a non-opening double-glazed window pane. Liam goes on to say:

Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.

In the time it took for Liam to find a hammer, he came back to find his date climbing out of the window. He said that at first she just used her arm but when she couldn't reach to turd she wedged her head and shoulders in too. Liam went on to say:

My date had other ideas.
Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out blag as glove" technique.
Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window.
She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came.

So the poo is bagged and tied. You'd think everyone was ready to go back to watching Louis Theroux but no such luck.

She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled.
But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. I called the fire brigade.
Bristol's finest were on scene sirens blaring in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, although they rescued my date unharmed from what must have been a rather unpleasant confined space to find yourself in, in the process they had to completely destroy the window with their special fire tools.
I'm not complaining, they did what they had to do. Problem is, I've been quoted north of £300 to replace the window.
As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget).

 

So poor old Liam now has to form out 300 quid for a new window. To be honest I think a story like this is worth way more than that. It's definitely one to tell the grandkids. I wonder if they had a second date?!

[FantasticMR]

2nd date? She's an amatuer gymnast so no. If she was pro-flexible then it's a maybe. There's a whole lot of poo to get past here and unless that sort of display happens as a result of taking a girl up the wrong'un then there's been no gain here for poor old Liam.

Mind you, looking at the state of that bathroom window I'd say that Liam is the one who should be embarassed. Looks like it's covered in shit to start with.

[ReedeFox]

I dunno. shit or not, I reckon Liam should take what he can get. If that's a turd flinging, slightly tubby wannabe gymnast then so be it.

[FantasticMR]

Is this Liam is it? Looks the sort to pick up a shit flinger and be alright with it.

[SirWanksAlot86]

LOL when i read this on twitter i couldnt stop laughing it reminded me a story i think that i read last year or the year before of the woman who similary was on a first date, went back to the guys house, felt comfotable enough to take a crap at his house but the toilet wouldnt flush, so wrapped up her turd in tissue and put it in her bag because it wouldnt flush

[ReedeFox]

I remember that story! I really feel for these woman because there's not much more embarrassing that having to take a huge dump at a new dudes house. it's a womans worst nightmare.

[gymaddict69]

What was wrong with the amateur gymnast..surely the bearded fella had a bog brush. Why didnt she just stab it to death, break that bad boy up..problem sorted. Hopefully she kwould be the perfect guest and rinse the brush in the bowl after and not just stick it back in the holder lol. Can imagine that being a nightmare for women, Reedefox..should imagaine guys would feel just as panicked (shit's funny like that haha).

[ReedeFox]

What was wrong with the amateur gymnast..surely the bearded fella had a bog brush. Why didnt she just stab it to death, break that bad boy up..problem sorted. Hopefully she kwould be the perfect guest and rinse the brush in the bowl after and not just stick it back in the holder lol. Can imagine that being a nightmare for women, Reedefox..should imagaine guys would feel just as panicked (shit's funny like that haha).

Maybe he didn't have a bog brush. He looks a bit studenty so maybe him and his flatmates just leave skids and in the bowl until they do their weekly shop to get some bleach. Plus he could have one of those toilets that takes forever for the cistern to refill. I hate those!

[FantasticMR]

What was wrong with the amateur gymnast..surely the bearded fella had a bog brush. Why didnt she just stab it to death, break that bad boy up..problem sorted. Hopefully she kwould be the perfect guest and rinse the brush in the bowl after and not just stick it back in the holder lol. Can imagine that being a nightmare for women, Reedefox..should imagaine guys would feel just as panicked (shit's funny like that haha).

Maybe he didn't have a bog brush. He looks a bit studenty so maybe him and his flatmates just leave skids and in the bowl until they do their weekly shop to get some bleach. Plus he could have one of those toilets that takes forever for the cistern to refill. I hate those!

There's a pub near me that has the cistern issue and it's odd because every time I go there I need to go cut one off (I don't eat the food there so it cant be that). The bog is right next to the beer garden and on a summer's night you can hear the laughter outside as they can hear you in there trying to furiously flush the offending article.

It's happened to me twice in there now. Next time I'm popping to the pub next door.