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Best one liners.

17/09/2014, 02:12
Post: #1
Wink  Best one liners.
I was watching Stewart Francis (Canadian comedian) who specialises in one liners.

I thought I'd start a thread of the best people here have heard, be it from a comedian or just the man on the street.

A couple from Stewart Francis.

- I was raised by my father; my mother left before I was born.

- My father is schizophrenic, but he’s good people.
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17/09/2014, 17:47
Post: #2
RE: Best one liners.
"...That's what she said."

Surely has to be one of the greats. Lol.
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17/09/2014, 18:04
Post: #3
RE: Best one liners.
(17/09/2014, 17:47)Ekul-MR Wrote:  "...That's what she said."

Surely has to be one of the greats. Lol.

What the fuck are you wittering about you slack jawed turd ?

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17/09/2014, 18:12
Post: #4
RE: Best one liners.
Jeremy Beadle thought he had a big dick, on the one hand he did, on the other.
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17/09/2014, 18:15
Post: #5
RE: Best one liners.
(17/09/2014, 18:04)Hilary Briss Wrote:  What the fuck are you wittering about you slack jawed turd ?

And we have a winner...
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Ekul-MR
17/09/2014, 19:09 (This post was last modified: 17/09/2014, 19:10 by Hilary Briss.)
Post: #6
RE: Best one liners.
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17/09/2014, 21:43 (This post was last modified: 17/09/2014, 21:46 by Randy Marsh.)
Post: #7
RE: Best one liners.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.

Welcome to America- Where being obese is genetics but being gay is a choice.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.

I almost had a threesome last night I just needed two more people

Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

Lazy People Fact #5812672793
You were too lazy to read that number.

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy..so I got drunk.

Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

Bob Newhart (September 5, 1929-)

'I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

You gonna deglaze that fucking pan?...I'd deglaze the fuck out of that pan...


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18/09/2014, 00:23
Post: #8
RE: Best one liners.
I’m not a very competitive person… I’m always the first to say it.

I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

I was wondering why a Frisbee appears larger, the closer it gets… and then it hit me.

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.
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