Jokes

[gymaddict69]

I must admit, I do frown upon Pornography.
But that's only because I'm concentrating.

My sat-nav has Bonnie Tyler as its Celebrity voice.
The trouble is, it keeps telling me to turn around.. and every now and then it falls apart

[parkaner]

[gymaddict69]

I've stopped asking my Scottish mate to do me favours.
"Knee problem" Poor excuse Pal!

I want to the sperm clinic today, the receptionist asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup...
I said, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition."

[parkaner]

[gymaddict69]

I swallowed some scrabble letters by accident.
My next shit could spell trouble.

"Holmes, why are you spreading that yellow curd all over my bum hole?”
"Lemon entry, my dear Watson."

I'm a bit disappointed by the sales of my latest invention, it's a one toed sandal for one legged amputees, it's looking like it's going to be a flop.

[gymaddict69]

"You've got liquorice all over your penis," said the doctor. "What've you been up to?"
"Fucking allsorts," I replied

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?
Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan

[parkaner]

[gymaddict69]

Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related

There's no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance".

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

[gymaddict69]

I got a right slap across the face yestreday.
I got into a lift (elevator for our colonial friends), and this busty woman followed me in and I couldn't stop staring at her big tits.
Then she said "Would you mind pressing 1 for me"
I must say, the slap was worth it.

I like my women like i like my computer
Turned on, on my lap & virus free.

[gymaddict69]

I've been going round town all day asking girls to show me their breasts if I show them my tattoo.
It's only fair, tit for tat.


I've just bought a house with old period features.
She fucking hates it when I call her that.