There is a very simple rule to creating the finest recipes on gods earth.
It was first discovered by Theococles the Tiresome in Ancient Troy in BC 1200. Theocoles is best known for his philosophical musings on the nature of mans struggle with mortality, and his endless erotic poems. The discovery of his work on fine dining surprised all but his most ardent admirers, and it was, until the un-earthing of the complete Viking Longboat in the sands near Blackpool after the recent storms, considered the most important historical discovery since Pompeii.
The secret was lost after the battle of The Swollen Nipsy and the subsequent sacking of Troy in 980 BC. When Helens dubious modesty and vast library were ravished by the heathen horde led by ClitterousTuggus The Emperor of Prenton Park and his army of lisping eunuchs. For nearly two millennia the glorious catering coup of Theocoles remained lost after the flood of spit from the lisping army swamped the defenses of The Great Library, drowning all in it's wake and sparing only the beasts and the simple. The ancient chronicles tell how eunuchs minced through the burning city, their wrath merciless and the smoting relentless, pausing neither for wine or meat and not even when they caught their reflection in something shiny.
The secret remained hidden until it was rediscovered in the archives of the British museum in 1989 by a young catering student. The student was researching the collection left to the museum from the descendants of the Third Earl of Knowsley. The Earl, known to his friends as Brig Cutlet was a tireless philanderer who squandered the family fortune on cards, decadent outfits, and cheap yet fragrant women. His taste and appetite for fallen women was said to come second only to his desire for recipes and culinary tips. The vast collection was gathered on his relentless foreign crusades. Aided by his loyal man-servant Euphoric Polls and accompanied by the Actor Staff Minx, they stalked the brothels of Europe, sniffing out fine delicacies and equally fragrant trollops to devour. They always found the Best Hos.
It was in this forgotten collection of recipes and tales of conquest that the young student found Theocoles's finest work. He had heard tell of the legend of a great taste sensation known only to the ancients, lost in the annals of time, better even than Walkers Prawn Cocktail. Our erstwhile hero knew instantly he was on to a winner when he lifted the Brassy Lid, opened the sacred parchment and deciphered the ancient hieroglph.
The message was beautiful, the secret of perfect cooking. He knew his fortune was made.
It said simply : ADD BACON.